Turning to the Dark Side

This is probably going to be quite emotional (read: incoherent) post. Got lots on my mind, guess will put them down here to release a bit of steam.

I lost my temper today; and it felt really good. (Sigh... I'm turning over to the dark side...)

Guess I couldn't take it any more.


I've always prided myself being a patient person, but I know there's two trigger points in me that can bring my tolerance level all the way down. I hate it when people do these to me:
1 - Accuse me of something that I didn't do.
2 - Shoot me down without being giving me a chance to explain my actions.

The second trigger caused me to explode today. I shall not go into the specifics. Some words were said which hurt me deeply, and the frustration of not being able to explain myself drove me up the wall and I said some nasty things back.

The temptation to be childish and give him back a taste of his own medicine is really great. No one's perfect, it's always possible to nit-pick and find a fault to throw back. (Argh... Argh... I'm getting darker...)

But I didn't. I held back, but I'm seething rather badly underneath.

God help me. Help me to mend the hurt and release forgiveness. It's really strange how easy we can devise evil words so easily and require so much effort for encouraging words. Think it's our sin nature at work.

In my rage, I stumbled upon these verses from the Bible:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13:4-7, NIV)

Dear God, help me to love.

It's so hard to obey God's Word sometimes, but each test that comes along the way just goes to shape your character and strengthen your resolve.

I will not turn over. The devil will not win. God always does.

P.S.: I'll find a chance to apologize and explain myself later, in a nice calm way, when the flames die down. Pride is telling me to ignore the person, but I won't let pride stop me.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. (Jas 1:19-20, NLT)