An Important Lesson

The world had taught me one lesson: If you are nice, you'll get bullied by everyone else.

I had learnt this the hard way. I used to treat people nicely; I go out of the way to make people happy, and when people try to contend with me, I take a step back and try to appease the situation. And in the end, what did I get? Some people took advantage of my meekness and hurled abuses at me, bruised my ego and even tried to cheat me of my money.

So, these days, I retaliate. When people shout at me, I shout back, and I make sure I shout louder. When people stir up a fight against me, I fight back, and I fight to win.

And so, I've won... Or have I?

Despite "winning", I'm not happy. Instead, I've become empty, bitter, cynical, impatient, contentious and easily irritable. More than just that, I have noticed that lately I've been arguing just for the sake of arguing. Many of the "reasons" I bring up in my arguements I know are just plain excuses deep inside, but I don't care. I just want to win; I just want to be right.

So these are the consequences of winning?

No, in fact, I have lost. I have lost against the principalities of this world.

Jesus did *not* say "When your enemy slaps you wrongly, slap him back and make sure he hurts more! Muhahaha!" He said "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also." (Matt 5:38-39) I had done the exact opposite; I had given an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

Jesus went on to say "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." (Matt 5:43-44) How many of us can do this? Man, look at the words in italics!

The mark of a true Christian is love. It is our duty to love people and not condemn them. Vengeance is not ours, and we don't have the capacity or wisdom to judge people, and say they are wrong and we are right.

Everyone has a story to tell, and every coin has two faces. However right we think we are, in God's eyes, perhaps both parties are right is some ways, and wrong in others. We are usually biased against ourselves, as we are all born selfish. Just because people ill-treat us, should we turn nasty? Of course not! Why shortchange the rest of the world for a handful of people who mistreat you?

And thus, I am making a statement here: I reject this worldy principle that I have learnt, and henceforth, I want to be loving, not right.

Was it right for a Man who knew no sin to die for all who have? No, it was love.

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matt 16:26, NKJV)

Meeting with My Former Boss

Met up with my former big boss J last Thursday and had a super long talk with him. He had wanted to see me, to exchange perspectives, and I saw this as a opportunity to clear things up, so I complied.

Basically, they were very upset because they felt the work I had left behind (based on what they thought I did) was just terrible, and from the way I denied their claims, they felt that I did not even want to take responsibility for the mistakes I've made. They found my tone offensive, for someone who "needed help from them" (was asking them for money). They felt that I took their good will to let me go for granted, and felt that I did not deserve to get paid the rest of my dues.

I told him I was upset because I felt that after agreeing on my departure terms, they had chosen to go back on their word and refused to pay me what they had agreed to pay me. I felt that they still did not take responsibility to get their accounts right, and on top of that, they did not think and evaluate why people left, and kept pinning the blame on the people who left. I found their tone offensive for someone who owed me money (for a couple of months already). I felt they took my good will to wait for them to sort out their accounts for granted, and were acting like big bullies.

I think you can notice the similarities in the emotions experienced by both sides. It's really quite interesting how both parties can feel the same thing about the same situation albeit from two jarringly different perspectives. The differences did not just stop there.

He told me that the management had protected us from a lot of nonsense from the clients. I told them that we, the workers had protected the management from a lot of rubbish from the customers and from a lot of rude people looking for them.

He told me that they had taken a risk and were doing me a favour by allowing me to do sales. I told him I was doing them the favour, and they had told me they needed someone to do sales.

He told me they had not grumbled when they let June and I go for our long leave during our wedding. I told him we did not grumble during the times when we did not go on leave just to finish up the projects that we were doing.

He told me they had not grumbled when we came late and left early. I told them we had not grumbled when we stayed late into the nights and even overnight to meet a deadline.

There were more. I just highlighted these few to show the similarities, and how things were more or less balanced from God's point of view (since He knows all things).

It was a fruitful meeting I suppose. Although I felt it was a petty squabble from pent up frustration (very much like lovers who had just broken off and went blaming one another for the split), we both had the opportunity to lay out all our cards on the table. Being able to voice everything out was a release for the both of us.

After the meeting, I can appreciate why they are acting like this. However, it still did not change my perspective on who's right or wrong. I guess we all are biased towards ourselves in some way or another. We all have a fallen nature, and being self-centered and selfish comes to us naturally I suppose.

Finally! A Chance to Blog!

It's my off day today! Finally had a chance to blog! :P

Many thanks to all of you who have expressed your concerns and empathy over my situation. Really appreciate them. :)

I have long since forgiven them already, so please do not be too alarmed. :)

The situation has not been resolved yet, but it's close to. I've learnt a very important lesson from the whole issue, and due to the lengthy nature of it, I've split it into 2 posts (following this post).

The first article (Meeting with My Former Boss) is a preface to the main article (An Important Lesson), and may be skipped if you can't stand my longwindedness. :P

(Was 5th Nov when I wrote this, but I couldn't complete the whole post until 15th Nov)