Turning to the Dark Side

This is probably going to be quite emotional (read: incoherent) post. Got lots on my mind, guess will put them down here to release a bit of steam.

I lost my temper today; and it felt really good. (Sigh... I'm turning over to the dark side...)

Guess I couldn't take it any more.


I've always prided myself being a patient person, but I know there's two trigger points in me that can bring my tolerance level all the way down. I hate it when people do these to me:
1 - Accuse me of something that I didn't do.
2 - Shoot me down without being giving me a chance to explain my actions.

The second trigger caused me to explode today. I shall not go into the specifics. Some words were said which hurt me deeply, and the frustration of not being able to explain myself drove me up the wall and I said some nasty things back.

The temptation to be childish and give him back a taste of his own medicine is really great. No one's perfect, it's always possible to nit-pick and find a fault to throw back. (Argh... Argh... I'm getting darker...)

But I didn't. I held back, but I'm seething rather badly underneath.

God help me. Help me to mend the hurt and release forgiveness. It's really strange how easy we can devise evil words so easily and require so much effort for encouraging words. Think it's our sin nature at work.

In my rage, I stumbled upon these verses from the Bible:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13:4-7, NIV)

Dear God, help me to love.

It's so hard to obey God's Word sometimes, but each test that comes along the way just goes to shape your character and strengthen your resolve.

I will not turn over. The devil will not win. God always does.

P.S.: I'll find a chance to apologize and explain myself later, in a nice calm way, when the flames die down. Pride is telling me to ignore the person, but I won't let pride stop me.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. (Jas 1:19-20, NLT)

Up Against Serious Opposition

Hey, guess what? I only worked 2 days this week. More accurately, I went to work for 2 days this week, and spent another 2 working at home.

I had a total of 3 days of MC this week, on 2 separate accounts, courtesy of a terrible strain of the flu virus.

It started on Monday, just a day after I wrote the previous entry. Went to see the doc, (had to wait for 2 hours,) and he decided that it was so bad that it warranted a 2 day mc. The first day, I had fever and headaches so bad that it kept me awake in the day and through the night. I had to take my medication at 8 hour intervals, but the medicine wears off in 3 short hours, leaving me in agony for the rest of the 5 hours. Terrible ordeal.

After my 2 day mc, my throat infection didn't get any better; it just got worse.

So early this morning I went to see the doctor again (after I exhausted my antibiotics), and had another day's mc. The doc gave me stronger medication this time round; medicine that made my stomach churn and gave me bad diarrhea every time I consumed it. Sigh.

Guess I'm on the verge of doing something really revolutionary, and "someone" isn't too happy about it. No matter, he can try, but we'll always win in the end. We're more than conquerors in Christ! :)

"No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their righteousness is from Me," Says the LORD. (Isaiah 54:17, NKJV)

What's in a Name?

I think June has briefly mentioned this in her blog, and she's urged me to expound on this, so here I am. :)

In line with our music making goals, June and I have formed a productions company by the name of Jenesis Creatives.

The word Jenesis is a variation of Genesis (pronounced the same way), the beginning of all things. June's name starts with J and my name starts with J, so we decided to replace G with J.

But why Genesis of all names?

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness." (Gen 1:1-4, NKJV)

I remember Dr A. R. Bernard said that this was an illustration of a sinner being saved. The sinner is like the earth, without form and in darkness, and the Spirit of God hovers over the sinner. When the sinner received salvation, God gave the Word and light came into the sinner life, and a new being was created, and separated from the darkness into His light.

This is how we would like our music to be also, to bring light into the darkness, and illuminate the lives of the many lost ones out there. We want to change the musical world with a new breed of songs, to showcase God's creative power through these new songs, and eventually to give God all the glory and honour. :)

I'm not talking about creating new songs in the current genres, I'm talking about new genres of songs. Songs people would not know how to classify. Songs that stand out from other formats.

Why Creatives then?

Creatives stands for the creative nature of the songs, and the creative nature of God. When put together with Jenesis, the acronym formed is JC, the acronym for our Lord Jesus Christ. :)

So you have it, Jenesis Creatives. :)

Our current plans as as follows:
1 - Release Jenesis Creatives website on 7th July 2007 (777, the number for God)
2 - Release album single on 7th July 2007
3 - Release album on 8th Aug 2008 (888, the number for Jesus)

The album single is tentatively titled: "Remember Me" (keke, subconscious programming)
And for the album, it'll be made up of stories, ideas from Genesis (without direct references)

Alrighty, that's all for now. Stay in tune! :)

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands. (Ps 138:8, NIV)

The Pursuit of Happiness

"The proof of your passion lies in your pursuit" - Dr A.R. Bernard

I think you all probably have heard this many times over, but this one's really stuck with me, and it struck me again during cell group meeting today.

Passion. An intense emotion, strong feeling, great devotion, intense conviction which fills or motivates us towards compelling action. A fervent devotion to a cause.

What are you passionate about? More importantly, what are you doing about it?

It's no secret that I'm passionate about singing, about making music, and in the near future release a few singles and albums that would change the music scene, and touch millions of people out there. Not difficult these days, considering how connected we are.

I have taken steps to make this a reality. I've taken up vocal lessons (together with June), I've set up all the hardware and software needed to make music, and even took steps to ensure that my music room contains everything I need, and nothing else to create the music that I want. I've got visions, ideas, concepts, and even plans and dates in mind. (OK, I'll need to start writing all these down.)

But... I haven't been making much progress...

As much as I want to move on, I'm held back by a weakness I'm constantly struggling against - discipline.

Discipline. I've been struggling against ill-discipline for a long time. Many times the things I've wanted to do are delayed due to ill-discipline, an inability to move against the inertia, and an inability to move along with what's started by putting in constant effort. You don't need to be a physicist to understand Newton's first law of motion. :P

I've been struggling to get up early each morning to do my quiet time, and to practice singing. In fact, I don't think I've managed to practice much singing since I've set my heart to do it. And sometimes, not often though, I even snooze past my quiet time. Really need to start discipling my flesh.

Another area I need to discipline myself is in the area of time management. I'm sick and tired hearing myself makes excuses that I can't do this, I can't do that because I have no time.

I really need to make more time, and I believe focus is the key.

There are certain things in my life I can change to bring it into clearer focus. I believe I can put in additional effort to concentrate on my work in the day, and get more my work done without having to OT (and thus reduce the amount of time I have at night). I believe in the little time I have in the morning and in the night, I can make it count.

This will probably make me very tired, but I'm trusting on God to give me strength to go on. :)

I know you probably got things you want to go for too, so let's all fight the good fight together!

My prayer for this season:
"Lord, give me the strength to overcome the inertia of starting new things, and give me the strength to overcome the friction that impedes my progress by giving me the strength and the discipline to keep pushing. Help me to stay focused on the matters on hand, and help me to put away distractions and temptations that take away my attention. Enlarge my capacity, that I might be able to maximize my time, to achieve the best I can be, in the shortest time possible."

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (Jam 1:12, NIV)

Photo of Note

Wanted to share this photo with all of you before it gets really stale. Quite stale le already. :P

This is one of my favourite shots from my wedding. What makes this photo so outstanding amongst the thousands (OK, just hundreds) of wedding photos?


Anyone noticed the time on the clock? Reads exactly 2:02:02pm. Was this a result of impeccable timing, or mere coincidence? I like to think it's the former... :)

Think this is a classic case of a moment frozen in time. Many thanks to Gary for such fantastic shots. Now, who's going to take his wedding photos for him? :P

Moving on...

Hi all,

Haven't been blogging in a while, been kept quite busy lately, primarily with work related stuff. I'm currently wrapping up a few projects that I've been handling over the past few weeks, giving a good end before I leave my present company. It's time to go le, I'm already late... (More on this later...)

I'm actively seeking employment too, so have been busy doing up my documents, emailing a few companies. If you have a job opening for a senior software engineer (specializing in RFID), pls let me know. If not, you could help me by praying with me for a good job. Your prayers are much appreciated! :)

I've also updated my blog, adopted a little tiger on my blog (in case you haven't already noticed), and I've shrinked all the thumbnails of the photos in my entries. My blog should load 7 times faster now... Kekeke... :p

Moving on... I've more or less settled into married life... :)

Life's a bliss being married to June. Not to say we didn't have any friction, but we always managed to stay as a team and work things out together. She's really a wonderful woman, and the more you know her, the more you'll love her... :P

It's a great experience to share a life with someone, to share everything (including housework) with each other, and it's a most magical feeling to kiss your most loved one good morning and good night, to eat the dinner she prepares... (Awwww... Envious hor?)

Just about a month ago, we went on a date and we had the chance to recount the experiences we've shared with each other. We've been together for nearly 5 years already, and looking back, we've really come a long way.

But things have only just started to get even better. We're moving on to greater romance, greater love. :)

Thank God for June. The most wonderful person in the world (to me). :P

Moving on... I've more or less unsettled myself from my current job.

The time has come, and I've made the decision to move on. I don't know where I'm going yet, but I'm not staying anymore.

It hasn't been quite an easy 3 years for me at my present company. True, there were good moments there, and I cherish the moments being able to see June at work, being able to go to work together, lunch together and go home together. But we both decided it was time to move on.

To be perfectly honest, I haven't exactly been getting great reviews at work. I've really tried very hard, put my sweat and blood into my work (June can vouch for it), and I've come home drained. But at the end of the day, much of my effort goes unappreciated; my boss even told me that they were tempted to let me go a couple of times.

I was really discouraged for a period of time, wondering why I kept getting negative feedback though I worked hard, and a couple of times I just felt like giving up, and not bother working. But I didn't.

In my discouragement I sought God, and He told me that I was not placed where He wanted me, that's why I didn't prosper the way He would have intended me to, that's why my abilities are not maximized and recognized. In recent meetings with God, He told me that He would be opening doors for me, to bring me to a more glorious place. With faith I hold on to this promise, and with hope I trust in God. God is a good God. :)

Move on... Move on... It's time to go... God keeps moving, so we should keep moving as well... :)

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (Heb 11:1, NLT)